Valt again
Update on Z:
I have been Z's squire for a good while now. I know him. I understand him.
I didn't see him yesterday; naturally I assumed he was out with Astrid, doing something particularly romantic as it is his hidden-nature to do, perhaps reciting Shakespeare to her in some natural hotspring with floating rose petals as he had once tossed my way as an idea for the occasion. I didn't expect to see him.
I saw him today, only briefly. He did not look at all like the demi-god I know. Instead of radiant from the inevitable incessant love-making of the day before, he looked sleepless, haggard, red-eyed (I dread to say, like he had been rather emotionally upset for hours).
He behaved so distractedly, I questioned him. He made a mention of how sleeping in a cold bed had kept him awake, that he was going to take a little vacation somewhere -- alone. I asked him if everything went all right for V-Day. He practically withered right there. But that was the end of the conversation. He wanted to go talk to the baby.
Z doesn't get emotional over trifles and now I honestly fear for his happiness. Whatever happened yesterday was bad -- really bad. And Astrid won't talk to me either.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Sort-of-Squire Hijack: Pick Me Up
Hallo all!
It's Valt here, Z's sort-of-like-a-squire (only because the Council doesn't acknowledge me), bringing everyone a little change from the usual Z-ness.
Seriously, babyface, I'm not comandeering your journal. I promise! I just know you are having a bad spell and thought everyone needed a little pick-me-up! I promise that's all!
So let the fun begin!
Thanks to Canada for the idea, I decided I would offer a little practical advice to all of you aspiring squires out there, even for the non-aspiring squires. Heck, it's for everyone, and particularly for anyone who thinks they could do my job.
Ways to Deal with Your Hunter
1) Never offer your assistance: assume he doesn't want it, doesn't need it; he'll feel as if he really is self-sufficient and independent, and most of all, that you've finally learned your place. How could a low life worm like you be any use to him?
2) Never fix your mistakes: the more you try, the more you'll screw it up. Leave it for him. After all, *he* is the one who will do it right, like it should have been done, the first time.
3) Don't have a social life: what's that, you've got a girl/boy-friend? Oops, it looks like you're going to have to break it off! When you've got a child to watch that insists on speaking in tongues (that you don't know!), a nymph who can't keep track of her husband and his extended family who punishes you in his absense, there is no way you're getting sleep -- let alone having time to keep friends.
4) When he wants to know why in the gods' names he keeps you, reply "fatum est!" (it's fate!).
5) When in doubt, blame Ash. If you screw up big-time, don't worry! Ash screws up all the time and still looks like an angel.
6) If you can't blame it on Ash, blame it on Zarek. After all, Zarek gets blamed for everything he didn't do. Anyone would believe it!
6a) If your Hunter happens to be Zarek -- like me -- blame Valerius. There's no reason Valerius would have anything to do with you, but Zarek is more inclined to dislike him anyway.
7) Make bold (and definitely unprovable) assertions. One I find very useful: whenever he tells you to do something you don't want to, reply "Malim lingua mea cloacam maximam purgare" [I'd rather lick the Cloaca Maxima (ancient Rome's sewer) clean]. He can't make you back it up!
8) Know where Delos is and why it's (un)important.
9) Don't expect sympathy from your Hunter -- under any circumstance! If you do, you know you're just setting yourself up for some good quality whining-time. If you don't feel like listening to the whole "woe-is-me" ballad for the thousandth time in the past week, take it to a therapist. That or learn how to play the violin for accompaniment.
10) Never make fun of your hunter. Shit.
Cheer up all, even if it is Valentine's Day.
Peace, babyface.
Valt
It's Valt here, Z's sort-of-like-a-squire (only because the Council doesn't acknowledge me), bringing everyone a little change from the usual Z-ness.
Seriously, babyface, I'm not comandeering your journal. I promise! I just know you are having a bad spell and thought everyone needed a little pick-me-up! I promise that's all!
So let the fun begin!
Thanks to Canada for the idea, I decided I would offer a little practical advice to all of you aspiring squires out there, even for the non-aspiring squires. Heck, it's for everyone, and particularly for anyone who thinks they could do my job.
Ways to Deal with Your Hunter
1) Never offer your assistance: assume he doesn't want it, doesn't need it; he'll feel as if he really is self-sufficient and independent, and most of all, that you've finally learned your place. How could a low life worm like you be any use to him?
2) Never fix your mistakes: the more you try, the more you'll screw it up. Leave it for him. After all, *he* is the one who will do it right, like it should have been done, the first time.
3) Don't have a social life: what's that, you've got a girl/boy-friend? Oops, it looks like you're going to have to break it off! When you've got a child to watch that insists on speaking in tongues (that you don't know!), a nymph who can't keep track of her husband and his extended family who punishes you in his absense, there is no way you're getting sleep -- let alone having time to keep friends.
4) When he wants to know why in the gods' names he keeps you, reply "fatum est!" (it's fate!).
5) When in doubt, blame Ash. If you screw up big-time, don't worry! Ash screws up all the time and still looks like an angel.
6) If you can't blame it on Ash, blame it on Zarek. After all, Zarek gets blamed for everything he didn't do. Anyone would believe it!
6a) If your Hunter happens to be Zarek -- like me -- blame Valerius. There's no reason Valerius would have anything to do with you, but Zarek is more inclined to dislike him anyway.
7) Make bold (and definitely unprovable) assertions. One I find very useful: whenever he tells you to do something you don't want to, reply "Malim lingua mea cloacam maximam purgare" [I'd rather lick the Cloaca Maxima (ancient Rome's sewer) clean]. He can't make you back it up!
8) Know where Delos is and why it's (un)important.
9) Don't expect sympathy from your Hunter -- under any circumstance! If you do, you know you're just setting yourself up for some good quality whining-time. If you don't feel like listening to the whole "woe-is-me" ballad for the thousandth time in the past week, take it to a therapist. That or learn how to play the violin for accompaniment.
10) Never make fun of your hunter. Shit.
Cheer up all, even if it is Valentine's Day.
Peace, babyface.
Valt
Friday, February 9, 2007
Love on the Rocks -- No Ice
I once told Astrid that I sometimes wanted to be mortal again. She didn't understand why. I told her that love doesn't last forever -- but I wanted it at least for a lifetime. She kissed me, told me not to think about those things; it would, in fact, last forever. And while I worried, I never doubted her. If she said it would last forever, then of course, it would.
So when I started feeling estranged, I thought "don't take it personally. It's not personal. She needs space." And I gave her space. I know what it's like to have to step back from everything and regroup, gather pieces of yourself and fit them back together -- nothing broken, just general repairs of the soul. But now, it seems to have surpassed the need for space.
For the past two weeks, she has not said one word to me. I know only what she does through the child. It seems she is always busy with others, never has time for me. Before these past two weeks, she would tell me herself. She'd be busy but we'd make a date for an intimate little restaurant in New York to spend time with each other while her sisters took the babe. And I'd get to the restaurant -- and she'd never come. She never apologised either for standing me up -- told me she was busy, lost track of time. I allowed it, knowing she would never truly or intentionally do that to me. We would start to have a conversation, and then she'd tell me she had to leave for something, hold that thought, and never come back. We had a period where neither of us said anything to the other for four days prior to this.
I would say it is as much my fault as hers -- after all, it takes two for a conversation -- but even when I have tried to talk to her, address her, if she doesn't find something else to do in the middle of it, she ignores me.
I suppose she woke up. That's all I can think of. She woke up and realised that whatever else I am, I'm not good enough for her -- that others deserve her time, her affection more than I do.
I can't say I didn't see it coming. I told her she'd get tired of me, no longer want me. She told me it was nonsense. I told her it was true.
Maybe she'll come out of this, and I can go on with my life, feeling like I haven't lost the (second --after all, the baby comes first) best thing that's ever happened to me. If she doesn't.... I don't want to think about what that would mean.
So when I started feeling estranged, I thought "don't take it personally. It's not personal. She needs space." And I gave her space. I know what it's like to have to step back from everything and regroup, gather pieces of yourself and fit them back together -- nothing broken, just general repairs of the soul. But now, it seems to have surpassed the need for space.
For the past two weeks, she has not said one word to me. I know only what she does through the child. It seems she is always busy with others, never has time for me. Before these past two weeks, she would tell me herself. She'd be busy but we'd make a date for an intimate little restaurant in New York to spend time with each other while her sisters took the babe. And I'd get to the restaurant -- and she'd never come. She never apologised either for standing me up -- told me she was busy, lost track of time. I allowed it, knowing she would never truly or intentionally do that to me. We would start to have a conversation, and then she'd tell me she had to leave for something, hold that thought, and never come back. We had a period where neither of us said anything to the other for four days prior to this.
I would say it is as much my fault as hers -- after all, it takes two for a conversation -- but even when I have tried to talk to her, address her, if she doesn't find something else to do in the middle of it, she ignores me.
I suppose she woke up. That's all I can think of. She woke up and realised that whatever else I am, I'm not good enough for her -- that others deserve her time, her affection more than I do.
I can't say I didn't see it coming. I told her she'd get tired of me, no longer want me. She told me it was nonsense. I told her it was true.
Maybe she'll come out of this, and I can go on with my life, feeling like I haven't lost the (second --after all, the baby comes first) best thing that's ever happened to me. If she doesn't.... I don't want to think about what that would mean.
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