Hallo all!
It's Valt here, Z's sort-of-like-a-squire (only because the Council doesn't acknowledge me), bringing everyone a little change from the usual Z-ness.
Seriously, babyface, I'm not comandeering your journal. I promise! I just know you are having a bad spell and thought everyone needed a little pick-me-up! I promise that's all!
So let the fun begin!
Thanks to Canada for the idea, I decided I would offer a little practical advice to all of you aspiring squires out there, even for the non-aspiring squires. Heck, it's for everyone, and particularly for anyone who thinks they could do my job.
Ways to Deal with Your Hunter
1) Never offer your assistance: assume he doesn't want it, doesn't need it; he'll feel as if he really is self-sufficient and independent, and most of all, that you've finally learned your place. How could a low life worm like you be any use to him?
2) Never fix your mistakes: the more you try, the more you'll screw it up. Leave it for him. After all, *he* is the one who will do it right, like it should have been done, the first time.
3) Don't have a social life: what's that, you've got a girl/boy-friend? Oops, it looks like you're going to have to break it off! When you've got a child to watch that insists on speaking in tongues (that you don't know!), a nymph who can't keep track of her husband and his extended family who punishes you in his absense, there is no way you're getting sleep -- let alone having time to keep friends.
4) When he wants to know why in the gods' names he keeps you, reply "fatum est!" (it's fate!).
5) When in doubt, blame Ash. If you screw up big-time, don't worry! Ash screws up all the time and still looks like an angel.
6) If you can't blame it on Ash, blame it on Zarek. After all, Zarek gets blamed for everything he didn't do. Anyone would believe it!
6a) If your Hunter happens to be Zarek -- like me -- blame Valerius. There's no reason Valerius would have anything to do with you, but Zarek is more inclined to dislike him anyway.
7) Make bold (and definitely unprovable) assertions. One I find very useful: whenever he tells you to do something you don't want to, reply "Malim lingua mea cloacam maximam purgare" [I'd rather lick the Cloaca Maxima (ancient Rome's sewer) clean]. He can't make you back it up!
8) Know where Delos is and why it's (un)important.
9) Don't expect sympathy from your Hunter -- under any circumstance! If you do, you know you're just setting yourself up for some good quality whining-time. If you don't feel like listening to the whole "woe-is-me" ballad for the thousandth time in the past week, take it to a therapist. That or learn how to play the violin for accompaniment.
10) Never make fun of your hunter. Shit.
Cheer up all, even if it is Valentine's Day.
Peace, babyface.
Valt
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